David’s first birthday is coming up, November 21st. He was born at 3:15am. For his birthday I am wanting to do something special, along with continuing the healing process.
I searched online to help me brainstorm ideas and I finally came across a website and my something special. These women created prayer flags in honor of their angel babies. I have connected to prayer flags in the past; visiting a Buddhist temple in Montana, along with my love for the serenity in nature and my many nature adventures I have been on. I see prayer flags as peaceful, hopeful, and full of love. Creating the prayer flags allowed me to express my emotions through prayer and continue to create something in honor of David every year.
Here is the website where I got the idea for the prayer flags, "The Prayer Flag Project".
http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2016/06/august-19th-day-of-hope-the-prayer-flag-project.html
Below I documented the process of creating my prayer flags in remembrance of David.
Creating these flags was a healing process for me. The first year has been a bit surreal. I have continued living my life day by day and I love my life: my husband, family, friends, career, and my many journeys have all brought happiness to my life, but in the back of my head I feel like it could have been different. My life is different but not in the way I thought it would be. And it will never be the same, but with hope, prayer, faith, and love my life with continue to be a happy life. With this happiness though there will always be a small part of my heart that belongs to my angel baby. I will show this through my prayer flags.
My first step was going to hobby lobby and creating my ideas/ layouts. I feel like I changed the formatting several times. One of the flags I wanted to emphasize David, from his birth date, name, and really one of the only physical images we have left of him, his hand/foot prints. The second flag I placed the poem I wrote the first week after his death, which I read at his memorial service, and the prayer Gabe wrote for the memorial service as well.
We will never experience true milestones with our son, but tomorrow I will be wishing him a happy birthday.
I searched online to help me brainstorm ideas and I finally came across a website and my something special. These women created prayer flags in honor of their angel babies. I have connected to prayer flags in the past; visiting a Buddhist temple in Montana, along with my love for the serenity in nature and my many nature adventures I have been on. I see prayer flags as peaceful, hopeful, and full of love. Creating the prayer flags allowed me to express my emotions through prayer and continue to create something in honor of David every year.
Here is the website where I got the idea for the prayer flags, "The Prayer Flag Project".
http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2016/06/august-19th-day-of-hope-the-prayer-flag-project.html
Below I documented the process of creating my prayer flags in remembrance of David.
Creating these flags was a healing process for me. The first year has been a bit surreal. I have continued living my life day by day and I love my life: my husband, family, friends, career, and my many journeys have all brought happiness to my life, but in the back of my head I feel like it could have been different. My life is different but not in the way I thought it would be. And it will never be the same, but with hope, prayer, faith, and love my life with continue to be a happy life. With this happiness though there will always be a small part of my heart that belongs to my angel baby. I will show this through my prayer flags.
My first step was going to hobby lobby and creating my ideas/ layouts. I feel like I changed the formatting several times. One of the flags I wanted to emphasize David, from his birth date, name, and really one of the only physical images we have left of him, his hand/foot prints. The second flag I placed the poem I wrote the first week after his death, which I read at his memorial service, and the prayer Gabe wrote for the memorial service as well.
After a couple days I finalized my ideas and journeyed over to my very creative friends house to finish the flags.
As stated before I have a very good life and I am very blessed. Yet, I have experienced one of the hardest things any person could ever go through and that is losing a child. I think about him everyday, I think about what if, and continue to have faith that our family will grow. I also reflect often on the child we lost in our second pregnancy which resulted in a miscarriage.
I feel some people think I am holding on to the past when I mention David or talk about him, and most days I don't even mention his name to people...I just think about him, but I am not living in the past I am moving forward and still taking in all of life. Yet David is a part of Gabe and I, and he should always be remembered as such. Remembering is not holding on to the past, it is part of a healing process and knowing we have a son but he is just in heaven and not here on earth with us. I am reading a good book right now that discusses the healing process of any type of child loss, from miscarriage, premature labor, stillbirth, illnesses, or accidents. It is called "Silent Grief" and would recommend to anyone that has lost a child in anyway or wants to try and understand a bit how maybe a friend, a colleague, or family member feels.
We will never experience true milestones with our son, but tomorrow I will be wishing him a happy birthday.
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